Dating a girl 12 years older

I am not a “cougar," the horrible label given to women who date younger men. When the roles are reversed and an older man dates a younger woman, the men .
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He had a mortgage, a car and a career before I was even born. From school, where I would form adoring romantic attachments to members of the teaching staff while my friends lusted over Justin Bieber, to my gap year, where everyone else took off around the world and shagged surf instructors while I stayed in London, going to restaurants and concerts with men who were old enough to be my father. I totally understand the appeal of dating younger men.

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Especially when I was in my late teens and very early twenties, new to London and nervous about the world around me. I liked the safety that came with going to dinner with someone who would choose the restaurant, tell me what time we were going to meet and carry on a conversation about the world around me. I saw dating as a learning experience, and the idea of going to Pizza Express with a bloke I met at a house party before going home to shag him in his shared house? Just not for me.

People can be selfish, struggle with commitment or refuse to communicate properly however old they are. In fact it was probably one of the better parts of the equation. At the time I thought it was my fault, now I realise that if you go out with someone who is very young and very naive, you have a responsibility to treat them a little more gently.

But every woman I know has dated people who have treated her badly. The only difference is that I got to be taken advantage of at nice restaurants, smart hotels, and the theatre. Boys are forced to act like adults much later than girls are, our natural rates of maturity are not decided by our genitals. I do not date older men or rather, I did not date and then marry an older man because I thought that boys my own age were too immature. I did so because I have always preferred the company of people older than myself. Prior to going back for his PhD, he taught French for 6 years. He also wants to write.

The fact that he is a student and I am working almost reverses things, in a sense.

Do relationships between older women and younger men work? - National |

The main thing that is making me uncomfortable with the situation is advice my grandmother gave me a couple years ago She had seen so many women marry into a relationship with a 10 year or 14 year age gap, and then later in life they're limited because their husbands are too tired or sick to do anything. And that these women feel order than they actually are.

I also don't want to be a young widow! When he asked me what difference age makes, I told him it's a matter of being in life stages at different times, as well as what my grandmother said. He brought up the point that he keeps in really good shape it's true and that most people can't run on a treadmill for an hour like he can. He trains in juditsu, and we both love salsa dancing. When I'm 27, he'll be When I'm 67, he would be What would that be like? I'm not worried about the short term.

We have great chemistry and if things don't work in the short term, then it doesn't work out.

Do relationships between older women and younger men work?

But I want to decide if age is an issue in the long term now, because every time we see each other we uncover layers of compatibility and we feel more emotionally involved. So if age is going to be an issue I want to stop things now before we both get hurt Also a concern for me is how my career and having children would fit into this.

I've previously toyed with the idea of having children while I'm young and focusing on career while the kids are older. But all that is something that can be talked through in future conversations with him, if we do continue to date. So I'm looking for examples of what a relationship with a large age gap is like, later in life.


And being an "old soul" isn't the strongest determinate of compatibility, no matter what your age. I would slow down if I were you. The biggest problem I foresee is you discovering that you were too young to get involved with someone so seriously right away, and why cheat yourself out of young adult hood like that when it could lead to you feeling resentful of this guy later?

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I have relatives who've jumped the gun like this. Slow down and let go of your desire to know and control everything. Age is but a number, life and people are never perfect, and the only thing at the end of everyone's story is death.

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I don't think your problem is so much the age difference, but that you guys seem to have very different priorities in life. If you want to settle down, buy a house, and start a family basically ASAP, and he wants to maybe "be a diplomat for the UN" which is not really a thing, maybe? After he finishes a degree that, I shit you not, can take upwards of a decade to complete.

So you're looking at house and kids by He's looking at getting a PhD by 45, and then maybe he'll do this or maybe he'll do that. This is not really compatible, unless you make a hell of an amazing living in marketing and he aspires to be a single dad. The difference between 22 and 35 is a much bigger deal than between 42 and 55, in my opinion. My own parents were 19 years apart, but as a rural conservative, my mother was very like someone of my father's generation for their time and place, etc.

However, as their youngest, I never knew his parents, and he was more like a grandfather; further, the difference or the fact that my mom was about your age when they married contributed to a heck of a midlife crisis when she was in her mids and he fell ill. I personally am very much for gambling in favor of love.

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This is the case in my extended family. My aunt does do a lot of caregiving and it does limit her. On the flip side, they are very happy together and very much in love. You just never know.

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As a mids woman, I wonder more what this year-old wants with a year-old. Why does your life experience and maturity level match his so well? Yeah, I wrote this and thought "this is not coming out right I've figured out who I am, I've travelled, I've dated different types of guys, I've started my career, and so I feel ready to settle down, if I meet the right person. I have by no means decided that I want any kind of long term relationship with him.

At the same time, I'm not thinking "Yeah, I'm just messing around in a short-term fling". That's why I want to know if the age gap would cause issues.

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I'm more concerned right now with figuring out if he ISN'T long term material than if he is I definitely agree that the latter takes time. Oh, you want more? And I definitely was, which was apparent in the fact that ALL of my social relationships are with slightly older people. That said - I was Twenty-two is so young. Even when you get to my age basically 30 you are going to look back at 22 and realize that you were a baby, have changed so much, and now want different things. This is inevitable, so matter how much of an "old soul" you are. You don't think it's true, but it is, and you can only fully appreciate it via the aging process.

I'm excited to see how turning 40 will change my perspective. It's funny and sad because it's more likely to be true. We work on that together by planning our insurances and finances and such so that I am not left a destitute widow or so he's not out in the cold if I get hit by a bus, randomly. It make me really sad. But I still wouldn't pass up the opportunity to be with him. I know you are. But please remember - you are There are a lot of older men who like 22 year olds.

There are a lot of selfish older men who don't mind disrupting young lives for their pleasure and amusement. And 22 is young; if you were 30, this age gap would bother me less.